“I thought of it myself.”

Thank you Van, Duckygeneral and Z R for the ko-fi donation!

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Cigarettes, biscuits, and vodka—the Big Three of the battlefield.

Among the six rebel leaders on the Wild Planet, each occupying their own territory, Commander Bai’s sector was the most destitute.

While General Sava next door was snacking on veal, Commander Bai was gnawing on stale biscuits; while General Sava drank air-freighted fresh grape juice, Commander Bai was pondering how to grow vegetables in the desert.

Commander Bai had even invented a new way to eat compressed biscuits: soaking them in vodka.

As the saying goes, biscuits with booze— the more you eat, the more you have. Lying in the desert of a barren planet, gazing at the magnificent solar corona above, the expired biscuits didn’t seem so hard to swallow.

The Wild Planet sat in a “no man’s land” on the border between the Empire and the Federation.

As a famous barren rock, it strictly adhered to the principle: so small and desolate even Satan wants to run away.

Vegetation was scarce, and there was no natural source of Vitamin C; so people mostly survived on supplement pills.

But for a period, the Central Army cut off the transport lines. Even the interstellar pirates who lived by smuggling fruits and vegetables couldn’t get medicine to them. Many of them developed scurvy, ending up with a mouth full of rotten teeth.

Consequently, Commander Bai hated General Sava next door the most.

Especially when Sava’s fruit transport ships roared overhead.

In his memory, that guy always had an endless supply of resources, as if they popped out of a black hole. No, now that he thought about it, maybe they really were traded for in the “chicken-butt hole.”

One day, Commander Bai couldn’t take it anymore. He took a few men to pull his old trick: robbing the rich to help the poor.

They hijacked the Sava Legion’s transport ship and hauled away crates of fresh cherry tomatoes still glistening with mist.

When that hen got the news, he would squawk in fury, flying their legion’s fiercest aircraft with six massive megaphones strapped to the wings, playing on loop:

“Stinky bird, you’re shameless! Give me back my tomatoes! Stinky bird, I hope you’re an omega in your next life and get an egg stuck every day!”

Initially, Bai Ling would self-reflect, thinking they were all fellow revolutionaries who saw each other often, maybe highway robbery wasn’t great.

Later, after getting used to Sava’s cursing, his skin thickened.

If Bai Ling and Sawa had learned anything from each other during their ten years of bitter enmity, it must be—

You really can’t care too much about your “face.” If you need to spit, spit; if you need to curse, curse; and if you’re in a bad mood, just grab a gun and fire off a few rounds.

Drinking to this point, Bai Ling felt he finally understood the essence of this vodka.

He figured it out.

He’s just a merman. Why should he wrong himself so much? He’s done playing and he has already laid all his cards on the table.

Treating me as a seasoning in your life, right? A substitute for your White Moonlight, right?

Fine. Everything has a price. Pay up! Buy me a giant warship!

Bai Ling sat on the floor with a solemn face, not noticing that his emotional turmoil had worsened again. He took off his shoes, dumped out the rotten leaves inside, and sent a message to Sava.

[Bai Ling]: Stinky chicken, you are right. I’ll pay you back a crate of tomatoes tomorrow.

[One Shot, One Beta Dead]: What’s wrong with your nerves in the middle of the night? Are you done playing around? Get your ass back here!

[Bai Ling]: I’m not going. You’ve laid landmines to blow me up.

[One Shot, One Beta Dead]: ? How did you even find out?

[Bai Ling]: I’m going to go enjoy myself. See ya.

Bai Ling closed the chat and prepared to call and harass that merman. He was pondering what to say, preferably something that would make that old bastard… cede territory and humiliate the nation!

Just as he dialed in, a sound came from outside the door at the same time.

Bai Ling instinctively ducked like he was avoiding a sniper, scurrying behind the table.

…His veteran PTSD is acting up again.

Then, the doorbell chimed. Bai Ling’s head was swimming, but he still remembered to find a high-damage weapon for the ambush. He snatched up the half-empty bottle; his steps were still agile as he dodged to the back of the door, deepening his voice into that of a sixty-year-old man to trick the person outside:

“Who is it?”

There was a moment of silence outside the door. “Room service.”

It was just a housekeeping robot delivering things. Indeed, when he came upstairs earlier, he had seen a few pushing carts and handing out soap.

Bai Ling immediately put the bottle down, but then felt something wasn’t quite right.

Are AI voice packs this advanced nowadays? The voice even has a vibration; it’s really well-tuned.

Bai Ling leaned his back against the door, took a swig from the bottle, and muttered: “Just leave the soap at the door. I have important business; I’ll get it later.”

His speech was fluent enough, but it had a slight nasal tone; his cold wasn’t over yet.

Yu Chen could hear the slight difference.

He softened his voice and asked: “What business is so important?”

The nasal, mumbling little bird inside grumbled: “You wouldn’t understand even if I told you. You AIs don’t understand this.”

“I am a super-intelligent AI with immense processing power. There is nothing in this world I don’t know,” Yu Chen said without blinking, his voice incredibly steady.

“Heh, then calculate my future?”

Yu Chen dutifully played along with the drunken bird, even imitating a few “beep-boop” sounds as if a data port was being plugged in. After waiting two seconds, he told him:

“Calculated.”

Just then, a housekeeping robot passing by to hand out soap stared in shock. “Uh, guest…”

Yu Chen gave a cold glance back. Even though it was blind, the housekeeping robot’s waves shuddered, and it was chased away by his lethal stare.

After it left, Yu Chen ran his hand through his golden hair.

Enticing a young adult bird to open the door through a hostel door… I never did anything this ridiculous even during my days as a Prince.

“What’s the result?” the little bird asked, pressed against the door.

Yu Chen’s tone was deep and mellow. He lowered his eyes and told him: “I calculated that your life will be peaceful and smooth, and you will find a perfect match.”

This wasn’t a prophecy; but a solemn promise.

Bai Ling’s expression went blank. He then took a fierce gulp of booze, and after the high-proof alcohol burned its way from his throat to his stomach, he said self-deprecatingly:

“Your calculation is off. I don’t have that kind of luck.”

The merman-AI said confidently: “If you don’t believe me, you can ask me something else. Any question will do.”

Bai Ling rested his head against the door, rubbing his forehead back and forth. “I don’t want my fortune told anymore; I already know the ending. Do you have any other services?”

Yu Chen forcefully changed his business scope: “I can perform a magical summoning.”

Bai Ling gained a bit of interest. “How does it work?”

“I can instantly summon a merman before you.”

“How do I do it?”

“Knock on the door three times, say the merman’s name, and then unlock the door,” Yu Chen said with perfect enunciation.

Bai Ling was very wary. “I’m not opening it. How do I know this isn’t some black magic from the AI world?”

He spun around, thinking about life while staring at the bottle for a moment, before saying: “I’m not using yours. I have my own summoning method.”

“What do you plan to do?” Yu Chen’s direct lure had failed, so he began to probe for negotiation terms.

“Wait… I’m going out for a second.”

The voice gradually faded away, then disappeared entirely. After a good while, the little bird returned to report: “I climbed back in through the window.”

Yu Chen’s heart skipped a beat in fear, but he maintained a calm facade. “Mm, and then?”

Random bits of thoughts popped into Bai Ling’s head, and he stitched them together:

“I picked up three small twigs. You AIs probably don’t understand… this is magic from our bird world, a mysterious summoning ritual. As long as you place three twigs in a corner, you can summon a delicious Spotted Dove.”

Spotted Doves were the primary food source for falcons. Their nest-building tools often consisted of only three twigs, allowing them to lay eggs anywhere—the epitome of a carefree lifestyle in the bird world.

These doves liked to hatch eggs on human balconies or air conditioner units. Before the Earth was covered in a nuclear winter, the falcons in the city would catch doves on AC units every day.

The fact that the little bird was still obsessed with this meant the custom was truly deep in his bloodline…

Yu Chen tried to steer the topic back to himself: “But you can’t summon a merman with twigs.”

Bai Ling insisted: “This is a random array; it can summon randomly. If the merman wants to come, he’ll definitely come.”

Yu Chen asked helplessly: “Who exactly taught you to summon like that?”

Bai Ling said involuntarily: “I thought of it myself.”

“……”

Yu Chen pointed out incisively: “Summoning is a sacrifice. The more precious the thing you want to summon, the more generous the sacrifice must be. Summoning with twigs is too rudimentary; there’s no scientific basis for it.”

The little bird inside asked in confusion: “But you came, and you’re still talking to me.”

Yu Chen quickly changed his tune: “That is why I never blindly believe in science.”

Bai Ling: “?”

What kind of AI is this? It’s acting, right? AIs aren’t supposed to lie; how does this thing… lie through its teeth?

Yu Chen used every ounce of his life’s tenderness to gently coax him: “How about you wait by the window? I will send you a ‘Spotted-Dove-Fish’.”

“You’re so weird.” Bai Ling squinted his eyes and exposed him. “You sound like you’re in sales; you don’t sound like a pure AI at all.”

“Oh, I see. You wouldn’t happen to be…”

Yu Chen’s strong merman heart pounded, waiting for the little bird to say his name.

“—You’re here to sell massages, aren’t you? What’s the fee? Give me the full package. My stomach happens to hurt; you can massage it for me.”

---

Uriel went out for a smoke and was stunned when he came back.

It felt like he had witnessed history firsthand.

Uriel is a squid.

As a member of the Seafolk royalty, he had been chosen at age five to be sent to Izsu Paraiso’s side as one of many backup heirs.

Before adulthood, he realized he had no interest in politics and voluntarily withdrew from the competition to devote himself in mecha manufacturing.

However, in the half-century since he was guided by a robotic arm to kneel before the throne, the Yu Chen in his memory had always been an emperor of high majesty, deep thoughts, and a logic so rational it lacked humanity.

But just now, he had just witnessed The One climbing an open fire escape. The cold wind blew off his hood, a dirty window opened, and a hand lazily clutching a bottle reached out from inside. With a hook on his arm, it yanked his own uncle inside.

A magnitude 9 earthquake erupted in Uriel’s heart, a shock comparable to learning of the Old Empire’s fall.

The old house is on fire, the Pitti Palace is toppling, and Izsu Paraiso is climbing windows…

Good God, history is about to undergo a cataclysm!

At the same time, the escaped little white fluff was already trapped within a powerful embrace.

Yu Chen’s swiftly extended his arms across Bai Ling’s lower back, tightly gripping his slender waist with his hand, embracing the bird in an absolutely protective posture, and pressing him between his chest and the wall.

Soothing pheromones swept through the space with force, making the aging air purifier hum into operation.

In the small, dim room, only Bai Ling’s panicked, hurried gasps and the hum of the purifier could be heard.

Yu Chen’s eyes lowered, and he kicked the purifier’s plug out with his foot.

That slightly impatient noise caused cold sweat to break out on Bai Ling’s back, and he sobered up instantly.

“Do you see clearly who I am now?” The noble gemstone earring shimmered in the shadows. Yu Chen pinched the tip of his chin, arching an eyebrow slightly.

The merman’s tone was light, yet every word struck heavily against Bai Ling’s heart.

Bai Ling was forced to soak in that slightly fishy, eerie fragrance, accepting the guardian’s airtight, strict protection.

His palms gradually grew hot, and his frozen blood began to circulate faster, while fine beads of sweat formed on the bridge of his nose.

Every physical reaction was honestly telling him that this was the alpha who had marked him, his legal guardian; the man who had absolute responsibility and control over his physical state.

Yet, he still kept his lips tightly pressed together, turning his face to the other side and refusing to make a sound.

Old bastard…

He told him not to come out, yet he actually came out to find him.

Yu Chen leaned close to his pulse-racing neck and gently sniffed it. His brow furrowed, and his voice involuntarily carried the deterrent authority of a parent:

“You dare to drink so heavily when your cold isn’t even gone? And which puddle did you fall into this time before crawling out with your wings all ruffled? Your clothes are frozen, your feathers are soaked, and you’re sitting by the door without the heater on. No wonder you’re whining to me about a stomach ache. I really ought to give you a few health education lessons to teach you a lesson.”

Bai Ling’s lips twitched and his usually indifferent expression finally crumbled, his eyelashes trembling as he spoke: “I haven’t even eaten yet!”

“So?”

“So, I have low blood sugar right now. You have to speak a bit more ‘sweetly’ for it to work.”

Though his voice was still a cold, sharp blade, Yu Chen unexpectedly caught something in his tone he had never seen before.

It was a hint of petulance and grievance.

A privilege that only a parent could enjoy.

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Author’s Note:

Old Merman: (Relieved) The kid has finally learned how to act spoiled.

Coaxed him for a whole chapter; will continue coaxing in the next.