2149’s Winter Solstice

After An⁠​‌​⁠⁠‌‌​​‍‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠‌​​‍​​‌ Yu left the interrogation room, he remained silent the entire way, with downcast eyes as he followed Qin Zhilu into the elevator.

“Something on your mind?” Qin Zhilu asked.

“Hmm?” An Yu looked up, his gaze somewhat vacant. A moment passed before he realized he hadn’t pressed a floor button. While murmuring “nothing,” he reached out for the 199th floor, but Qin Zhilu’s hand moved past his to press the button for the 1st floor.

“I have something to say to you. Let’s go outside.”

It was near lunchtime, and the first floor of the Spire was vast and empty. Qin Zhilu walked ahead, passing the Protector’s Oath. He paused, staring at his father’s statue and the lines of the oath for a moment before continuing outside.

The Spire backed onto the Main City; in the distance lay a desolate, open snowy plain.

An Yu was suddenly reminded that the place where Qin Zhilu had once feigned his execution was not far from here.

Back then, he had known nothing of the Main City; every step he took had felt foreign and overwhelming, making him shrink back in terror.

An Yu looked up at the clean, cold sky. “The snow has stopped, Commander.”

Qin Zhilu gave a low “Mhm.” “Vanished completely.”

“Did it really fall for nearly two months?”

“Yes. It didn’t stop for a single moment.”

“No wonder this plain feels heavier than it did this time last year.” An Yu stomped on the snow buildup beneath his feet, turning back toward Qin Zhilu amidst the bright white expanse. “I heard a massive snowstorm started on the Winter Solstice last year, but this year, on the same day, it stopped.”

“Heard?” Qin Zhilu mused for a moment, then nodded as he remembered. “Last year’s snow didn’t start until the afternoon. You would have been unconscious by then.”

“Yeah, I only found out later from listening to the researchers chat during my genetic testing.” An Yu bit his lip. “I’ve been so preoccupied with Lumen. Has the public outcry about you being susceptible to non-biological aberrants died down?”

Qin Zhilu shook his head nonchalantly. “It’s not important.”

“Then… what is the Black Tower’s stance?”

“The Black Tower…” Qin Zhilu paused. “I excised the source of infection completely in District 99. I wasn’t truly affected, so they have nothing to question me on. Besides, Sienna’s genetic trials are 80% complete. She has displayed the exact same steady-state characteristics as I have. The Black Tower is ecstatic; even though she isn’t powerful enough yet, they expect her to grow into a second ‘me’.”

An Yu breathed a sigh of relief. “I suppose as long as you aren’t infected in the end, you remain everyone’s greatest reliance.”

Qin Zhilu fell silent. He stood a few paces away, watching An Yu. His dark eyes were deep and tranquil, yet there were flickers of emotions unlike his usual self shimmering within them. An Yu watched him in return, his own gaze possessing a subtle, matching spark.

The snowy plain was too quiet. With the snowstorm gone, even the sound of the wind had vanished, giving those accustomed to the blizzard the illusion that time itself had frozen.

After a long while, An Yu withdrew his gaze and asked softly with downcast eyes, “What did Commander want to say to me?”

Qin Zhilu took a deep breath, breaking out of his trance. “Flame and the Black Goat are in a stalemate. Our presence there is merely adding weight to the scales; conventional combat will suffice.”

An Yu asked uncertainly, “You mean…”

“Do not enter the Chaotic Reaction. Do not expose the fact that you can suppress all chaos. I have reported the parable from District 99 truthfully to the Black Tower; they may suspect my connection to the ‘Red Light of Chaos,’ but no one will guess that the ‘Golden Figure’ is your symbol. As long as your abilities don’t leak out, they will never think of it.” Qin Zhilu took a deep breath. “Jiang Xiao is your highly reliable confidant; his loyalty to you transcends the hierarchy of the Spire. Sienna’s will is independent of the Black Tower. They have both promised me absolute secrecy.”

“Okay.” An Yu nodded immediately. He opened his mouth as if to say more, but hesitated.

Qin Zhilu arched an eyebrow. “You seem to have something to say?”

An Yu went silent again, standing there staring at the snow on the ground, returning to his state of withdrawn muteness.

Qin Zhilu was used to him retreating into his shell. He guessed the young man had been about to say “Thank you,” but for some reason couldn’t get it out. After waiting a moment and seeing An Yu remain quiet, he smiled and turned. “Let’s go. We depart in three hours.”

“Commander!” An Yu suddenly called out. “The matter after the time reset—”

Qin Zhilu’s steps faltered. He turned back. “What matter?”

An Yu looked up abruptly, a frown on his face. He rarely showed an expression that bordered on accusation toward Qin Zhilu.

Qin Zhilu asked again, “What matter?”

“You’re asking despite knowing the answer.” An Yu bit his lip. “Ling Qiu said that people who stand at the top are all the same.”

Qin Zhilu raised an eyebrow, turning fully to face him. “All the same? How so?”

“‘Sleeping with someone and then forgetting it,'” An Yu quoted. Ling Qiu had once lamented: ‘Once they’ve had a taste, they stop. Where would they ever find total satisfaction in one place?’

Even though those words didn’t perfectly fit what had happened, seeing Qin Zhilu act so righteous made An Yu feel a twinge of irritation.

“I kissed you,” Qin Zhilu said suddenly. “I know you don’t understand these things at all. In fact, you likely fear complex interpersonal entanglements. So don’t think about it. At the time, I was just…” He paused, his dark eyes gazing intensely at An Yu. “I was just too shocked. Even now, I can’t figure out how your brain works. To shoot yourself just to bet on my life.”

His voice trailed off at the end. He withdrew his gaze from An Yu’s face and looked at the ground, cold as ever, yet seemingly dejected.

Qin Zhilu turned back toward the entrance. “I’m sorry for my loss of control then, and for—”

Read at Mizushi Novels

Visit Mizushi Novels

The voice behind him was so soft that, even without the wind, it felt like a fleeting hallucination. But immediately after, that ethereal voice spoke again.

Support the original translation

Read on Mizushi Novels

Back then, Ling Qiu had explained it to An Yu with a chuckle.

Don't scrape

Don't copy

Before An Yu could voice the rest of the examples, Qin Zhilu turned and interrupted him. “Don’t use other people’s theories to define your own emotions.”

Read at Mizushi Novels

Visit Mizushi Novels

“But I can understand you, Commander.” An Yu looked up again, his golden eyes honestlygazing at Qin Zhilu. “Others say you are the most inscrutable, yet I happen to understand everything about you. I know which public perceptions of you are wrong. I know your true thoughts deep down, but I also know you don’t care about being misunderstood. I even understand why you don’t care. Although… I actually care a little bit. I care on your behalf.” An Yu bit his lip, his voice dropping lower. “I believe that in this world, I am the only one who has achieved this.”

Support the original translation

Read on Mizushi Novels

An Yu felt the words on the tip of his tongue. “So, I think I lo—”

Don't scrape

Don't copy

“Do you know what the significance of a ‘Supervised Subject’ is?” Qin Zhilu’s expression remained ostensibly calm. “You are a reserve for the high-level officers. You are a reserve for my position.”

Read at Mizushi Novels

Visit Mizushi Novels

He stopped abruptly, leaving the sentence unfinished.

Support the original translation

Read on Mizushi Novels

Qin Zhilu didn’t answer. After a long wait, An Yu said softly, “I don’t care what is required in the future, but I will never be your ‘reserve.’ I told you in District 99—I will stand unshakably on your side forever.”

Don't scrape

Don't copy

As Qin Zhilu spoke, An Yu’s shoulders gave a small, instinctive flinch, just as they had the day they first met on the snowy plain.

Read at Mizushi Novels

Visit Mizushi Novels

Qin Zhilu could not continue, for he saw the confusion in An Yu’s eyes growing deeper, accompanied by sadness. A sadness as pure as his clear eyes.

Support the original translation

Read on Mizushi Novels

Yet the moment he turned, he saw a tear break free from An Yu’s eyes and stream down his face, though An Yu immediately raised his hand to wipe it away.

Don't scrape

Don't copy

But none of those instances struck him as violently as this single tear.

Read at Mizushi Novels

Visit Mizushi Novels

Qin Zhilu fell into a daze for an instant.

Support the original translation

In his daze, he unconsciously walked back, continuing until he came to a stop right in front of An Yu. Those golden eyes immediately locked onto him, tears still pooling within the rims.

Qin Zhilu watched An Yu’s chest heave with increasing violence, looking exactly as he did during his most severe stress response back in District 53. His mind was in a mess, a worse mess than ever before. He had not even figured out what he wanted to say to An Yu after suddenly walking back when he abruptly heard a piercing howl of wind.

It was as if a cover had suddenly been lifted from a vacuum world; that gust of wind arrived before his eyes from the vast distance in an instant.

A chill hit his brow, and he looked on in astonishment as snow suddenly began to whistle and soar across the sky.

It was snowing again, a heavier snow than anything seen over the past two months, pressing down in a chaotic, dense mass, making that brief pause in the snowfall just now seem exceptionally surreal.

It also made his recent argument, using the snow to refute An Yu, look somewhat farcical.

The snowstorm swirled and drifted through the air; a snowflake even rushed into An Yu’s eye, but An Yu showed no reaction. Those golden eyes remained fixed entirely on Qin Zhilu.

Trembling and choking on his sobs, he spoke nonstop, almost incoherently: “After saying all this, not a single word amounts to a solid reason. So, you are still exactly like Ling Qiu’s summary, exactly like District 53’s resource director. You are highly unethical, possess terrible character, and are completely unreasonable. Right now, you must be thinking that since it suddenly started snowing again, what kind of sophistry can you use to convince me that there is no eternity. But whether eternity exists clearly has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I fell in love with you. Before I fired the gun, I had already decided to always stand firmly on the same side as you, no matter what is on the opposite side, and no matter if you are unethical, have terrible character, are unreasonable… Mgh…”

Qin Zhilu’s breathing was even more hurried than his. Gripping his waist, he violently pulled him into his embrace and kissed him hard.

The voice of accusation stopped abruptly, leaving only the whistling wind.

It was more piercing and arrogant than the day they first met.

Qin Zhilu’s mind had never been in such a mess; he knew clearly that he had made a massive, irreparable mistake.

But he had also never been this sober.

“I’m sorry.” He cradled the back of An Yu’s head, forceful yet gentle, like holding something incredibly precious. “I said a lot of jumbled nonsense. I take it back. You only need to remember that one sentence.”

I love you very much, and I have wanted to kiss you for a very long time. I restrained myself for a long time.

But, I will no longer restrain myself from now on.

He did not know whether the heartache of the present moment or the heartache of the future weighed heavier, but he ultimately admitted defeat amidst those continuous sobs.

Perhaps just like a year ago, when his heart softened at the center of that person’s meticulously performed tears and whimpers.

It all felt as though it had been predestined long ago.

He hated himself for making An Yu sad and tearful, for leaving An Yu standing helplessly behind his back for such a long time.

An Yu was right; it truly had nothing to do with the snow.

The snow was a terrible metaphor.

Because regardless of whether the snow could stop, nothing in this world was eternal.

Planets, galaxies, the universe, and beyond the universe… everything would eventually march toward chaos.

They were merely resistance fighters of an era, and the insignificance of this era was like a fleeting glow in the cosmos.

There was not even a glow.

Yet, even if they suffered a crushing defeat, and even if that expanse of chaos finally arrived in this era without any hope of prevention—

He would still kiss him amidst the calamity.

Author’s Note:

[37: Eternity]

What is eternity?

There are a hundred paths before you. 99 point to the exact same conclusion, and only the final one points to a vastly different alternative.

From a probabilistic standpoint, if you turn the number one hundred into infinity, then this singular conclusion becomes an impossible event. But if it actually happens, it means that it can be looked upon as eternity.

Later, people always reminisced about the snow during the winter solstice of 2148. They said that snow brought a turning point.

But that snow merely brought a silver lining of survival.

The true turning point occurred during the winter solstice of 2149.

That winter solstice, that snow of brief revival.

The moment it drifted down, human victory became a certainty.

And He also became eternal.

A silent eternity, drifting outside human cognition and memory.

-Loose Pages from an Useless Book